Liverpool v Everton match prediction 28 Jan 2014

Liverpool vs. Everton (NBC Sports Network Live Extra, 3 p.m. ET/12 p.m. PT): You want Derby, bubba? We got Derby. Merseyside flavor. Now leave goat alone. Liverpool (13-4-5) welcomes Sort-of Noisy Neighbors Everton (11-9-2) to Anfield in what guarantees to be a chippy game at its complete chippiest. Chipped-teeth chippy. So chippy you may have to call a plumber specializing in Chip Removal. Epic, almost illegal levels of chip, Chip. Possibly so much chip bubba that you won’t even be able to file a 1040EZ tax form because of the utter chip complications. So don’t say you weren’t warned. The Merseyside derby traditionally has more players sent off than any other Premier League fixture. You’ll see when you’re cleaning the blood off of your TV at halftime there, bourbon breath. Now go away.

Anyway, back on the third planet from Our Favorite Star, the Toffees head to The Beatles hometown unbeaten in their last five matches but that will certainly be put to the test against a Liverpool Football match team which is a dominant 9-1-1 at home and boast the league's leading scorer in Luis Suarez (22 goals). Liverpool has held the upper hand over the last 10 in this series (5-4-1, 17-10 goals) but Everton is having one its best seasons in years and with GK Tim Howard, Chelsea loanee Romelu Lukaku (9 goals) and Seamus Coleman (5 goals) is trying to make a run at a top-four finish in the league and a prized Champions League spot. But the fourth-place Reds (16-6 Over) are also playing as well as they have in years, are still very much in contention for the EPL title—just eight points behind league-leaders Arsenal (43-51)—and will absolutely want no part of their biggest rivals coming in a raining on their parade. Listen to me.

My sacred crystal ball—bequeathed to me by King Brian the Gif Collector of Nappytown— shows Liverpool somehow finding a way to win this one with an unexpected player coming up with the second-half game-winner. Maybe Martin Škrtel. Maybe a very long overstruck Fernando Torres volley from West London from a prior game finally returning to Mother Earth. Possibly an extremely high Simon Mignolet kick that bounces off the edge of the Moon, then off Big Ben and then into the goal. Who knows. There is just a little too much fog in my crystal ball at the moment to tell for sure. This always happens this time of year. Please send help. And skids of swiss cheese.
PREDICTION: Liverpool 2 Everton 1
BET: Liverpool -125
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